We missed it again!

March 12th. That ever elusive date. Dave and I had a church wedding that day 5 years ago. It never fails, we both forget. *Sigh, at least we BOTH forget, and there is no blame.

I felt married the day I moved in with him. I never had anyone do so much FOR me, to help me, to lift me up, put me back together. I was so ready to start a new life and ready to trust what God was so freely giving to me in another individual.

So, when we were "shacking up" in my Grandma's house, it never occurred to me that anyone would be a bit put off. I felt married. After going through a divorce, one knows that the church wedding and the signed paper means very little compared to the COMMITMENT that 2 people make to each other in their heart. We planned on getting hitched some day. Dave always wanted to. I didn't care. So, in declaring bankruptcy, after taking our California bills with us to MN, we decided it was monetarily beneficial to marry. And Grandma really liked the idea.

In my heart, I married Dave at the end of July, when I moved in with him, and he signed the paper allowing me to buy my very own new car. It's an old story, I repeat about twice a year.

Me and Politics

I was pushing Health Care Reform in a big way on my FB page. I probably made more than a few angry at me, and perhaps people are now even hiding my posts. I'm very disappointed in what came out of this. We got a bit of Health INSURANCE Reform. I don't think it's enough, or that it will work very well. But, it's a start. I'm letting it go to regroup and come back for another day, feeling brighter that Reid has announced there will be a vote for a Public Option in a few months. I'm not holding my breath, it might be just a few words to pacify the Left.

I considered my self a Moderate until Health Care Reform. My first husband (and his family) were liberals (bordering on radical) and I had politics shoved down my throat repeatedly. I had the Bible used against me, and I learned to shut up if I didn't agree. When I left that marriage, I didn't even want to hear about politics. When it was time to vote, I read up a bit and made up my own mind in private. I supported GW Bush during 9-11. And life happened.

Desirae was born, and I had awesome insurance. I had her in the hospital where I worked, and we never received a bill. We had a few copays for all the technical procedures, but nothing we couldn't handle. Then we moved to Minn. And we found out that getting benefits for the whole family was becoming more difficult.

There were times when Desi and I were not insured at all. And just as I was getting up signed up for Minnesota Care, Dave's family went into crisis mode, and we had to move to Oregon. Dave's mom died unexpectedly, and his Dad actually got a bill from the hospital. Poor man, had bone cancer, was not going to be able to meet his mortgage, and he gets a bill from the hospital for pronouncing his wife dead. And she probably died because he refused to call an ambulance because it would cost $1000 (that's what he said). They were on Medicare with secondary Blue Cross coverage.

I took a job with Sacred Heart/Peace Health as a housekeeper, thinking that the benefits would outweigh the fact that I did not like cleaning all that much. Guess again. I got the standard $1000 deductible/80% coverage. Okay, better than nothing. I had to pay $200 a month to cover the family. Desirae was 2 1/2. Insurance sure had changed. I went from no premium/no deductible/90% coverage to this in less than 2 yrs. Then Dave secured a good job, lots of overtime, average insurance, and we felt that I could finally quit my job. We bought the house we had been working towards, and started a new life. 5 months later his company laid off 70%. None of us had insurance, and Cobra wanted $1200/month. Dave was on costly meds to control ulcerative colitis.

Life was not good for a few months. President Obama promised change, that things would get fixed, so we voted for him. And I started taking an interest in politics. On my own, making up my own mind. For the first time in many years.

We also over see the care of Dave's brother, Barry, who sustained a head injury in his early 20s. He is 48 today. So, we are responsible for Barry, and for Desirae (age 6 w/ Downs Syndrome). I started thinking about what our lives would look like without SSI and Medicaid. Because now Desirae is also covered though these programs. It's pretty difficult for me to work, having Desirae. She gets sick often, and takes longer to recover than the average child. Yet, managed those 2 years I worked at Sacred Heart. Without SSI and Medicaid, Barry would be living with us as well. He takes a cupful of meds every day. And he needs constant supervision as well. He does things like forget that he's cooking or lighting a cigarette off the toaster. He would be living with us if it were not for social programs. Not only would I not be able to work, but we would have to pay for his meds and his medical care. This is what people experienced before SSI. There are political parties formed (Regessives and Libertarians) that want to do away with SSI and Medicare. Holy Crap! Do they have any idea of the poverty that would happen?

Many other countries in the world have Universal Health Care. We send people over to study and look at their systems. I've heard no other country studies our system for implementation. That says a lot.

Recently the State of Oregon cut Medicaid benefits to people like Barry, and we were asked to pay for his dental work and dentures. I called our state officials to plead his case, and thankfully Medicaid will cover it....this time. Shortly there after, Dave was handed a $7,000 estimate for his needed dental work. It just never ends!

We arrive at our ideas because of the life we lead. I've not had a sheltered life. I've not had the help and support of family on a consistent basis. I've worked hard, am independent, and have very little to show for it. Except that I'm happy, and satisfied. I KNOW from my childhood that material wealth is a trade off with inner peace and happiness. The one area that keeps irritating me is health care. So... this should explain why I have the views that I do. And I will continue to do my part in the fight for Single Payer. However small it may be :)

Tuesday's Treasure

I can't believe I thought of this....and it's Tuesday. This is the cookbook my Grandma Helmrichs gave to me on my 10th birthday. It's been used ever since. This is the BEST cookbook for those basic recipes like banana bread or pudding, éclairs, cookies...and it has meat charts and spice charts, equivalent measures. Everything a new cook could want.

My mom would get a roast out and tell me to put it into the oven at 4:00. I had no idea what to do, so I would call my Grandma. After a few times she would ask if I had looked at my cook book. So, out of necessity, it was used. Often and frequently.

It was one of the best gifts I've ever received. It gets used less today, with my gluten/dairy free cooking, but I'm learning to convert, and I still use some of those basic recipes.

Included is my grandma's apple cake recipe, and that will be shared later.

What do you do?

I never quite know what to do when I hit send and maybe I shouldn't have. We ALL have bad days. Some of us have a "blog of pretty things". That's nice. Real....not so sure. And then again I've stepped into some blogs that are diatribes of all that's wrong in the world today. People blog on so many things. One other time when I decided to "be real" on my blog, I deleted it a few days later. It's kind of like asking someone how they are. I've replied "Fine, unless you want the long version". People laugh, and most pass. A few have actually wanted the long version. And that can be awkward as well.

I love my life, but most days it requires big girl panties. If I can't put those on in the morning, chances are you won't see me. On Friday, I ventured into bloggy world without getting dressed. I did not venture out in public, except to do what was absolutely necessary. When I have nothing to give...what comes out is not worth getting! I just thank God that most days are good.

A few quick takes of life recently--

We finished fencing in the back yard. Or I should say Dave finished, as I didn't much fencing. But I sure love the rewards! My days have been made easier, sending Roy out instead of walking him or checking on him every three minutes. Walking him is great unless I have both him and the girl and it's raining. I swear this week, I did not see him poop even once. I just sent him out the back door. Cool. And the girl can go out and play on her swing by herself as well. I love it!

Yesterday was spent hoeing the weeds out from my garden boxes while Dave overhauled the garden tractor/lawn mower that is ancient. Then we went to home depot and got boards for making my garden boxes deeper. We have mushroom compost sitting outside to complete the garden project, and then I'll start planting. Spring is here!

This coming week we have a ton of Doctor appts---getting ready to lose Desi's tonsils and adenoids. It's also spring break.

I'm starting to feel better, taking glucosimine along with my vitamin regimen. And I received a good dose of sunshine while hoeing the garden. The vitamin D deficiency was kicking my butt, and while I feel better, am still not 100%. A small loss of sleep sends me into a tail spin.

My parents are doing well after both having procedures. My Dad is high on life cause not only did he get a second chance, he seems to be more energetic. It's neat to talk to him these days. Mom's recovery feels a bit slower to her, a knee replacement. She has the post-surgery exhaustion going on.

~~~~Hope this finds you all well and happy~~~

HALT! (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired?)

That would be me today. I have a cold...it's getting better so I didn't take benadryl before I went to bed last night (because I'm out, and forgot to get more yesterday). Mistake---I was up all night coughing, disturbing the whole house. Even the dog complained at me. Desirae wet the bed, so had to get up again for that after I settled down a bit. She has an accident once a month or so. I can't fault her. My whole world was painted black before I got up. I begged my hubby for a few hugs and got some more when I woke up the girl.

Being tired makes me hungry. Being tired makes me resentful. Then I start to feel like nobody likes me, and I get lonely. Poor me, on the pity pot. I don't indulge pity often, and I work my way out of it pretty darn fast compared to my previous life (before Alanon). But DANG, that's a black hole! It appears just often enough to remind me not to venture near on a regular basis. I guess we all need reminders.

My thinking becomes distorted. Like...here's an example. My cousin on FB posts these quotes about having a good work ethic. In my resentful, pity me mode, I believe these quotes are directed directly AT ME. And then, it's the fault of my FOO (family of origin) for telling the extended family what a stupid and lazy person I am. And then....OMG! Everybody hates me. And then I go over all my faults with a magnifying glass, and there are many.

Just the facts, please!

The fact is I'm TIRED. I will replace the benadryl for tonight, and not be tired (hopefully) tomorrow. I will plan for a nap or a rest this after noon. And I will replace the negative thoughts with gratitude.