Dance recital

Last Night was Desirae's dance recital. It didn't go well. She did a few moves with her classmates at first, and then she took the feathers out of her hair and shook them during the rest of the her dance. When it was over, she threw her black feather hairpiece into the audience. Then she didn't leave the stage, she just stood there....waiting, I guess, for the boy who brought her feathers back to her, and the older dancer who took her off the stage. She was entertaining others said. There are days when I just wish she were more like her peers.

In these pictures, she has a cute little skirt over her leotard. But when mom wasn't available to keep her looking straight, she managed to mess it up.

Part of me thinks, oh, heck....go with the flow. The other part thinks "I should have" been in the back (instead of the audience) and made sure she understood exactly what was expected of her. I "should have" talked to her more yesterday about the dance. I should have glued her feathers in her hair! I can "should" all over myself when not accepting that God was in charge. Those feathers have been a problem since the beginning. Maybe next year we'll pass on the hair piece. Maybe I'll be working so there won't be dance next year! Sometimes it takes too much self discipline to make me make her do it!

After I wrote my last blog, it hit me.....that how as a child I was told our friend had DS because his mom smoked----so do people think that of me. It hit me like a ton of bricks one night after writing the blog, recalling a close family member grilling me on "what caused this" and a complete stranger asking me if I smoked or drank while I was pregnant. Of course I know what others think of me is none of my business, and I am powerless over what they think and their expectations of me. It just never really occurred to me that some people might blame ME! Most of what I get from others is so positive, it makes it easy to overlook the callous negativity of a few.

Thank you to those who send me heart touching poems about being a "special mother". And thank you to the complete strangers who think my daughter is adorable.

The fun of dance is not in the recital. It's in Tuesday mornings at practice. It's in the friendships we are making. It was so cute seeing Peter dance beside Desi, and you could tell he was trying to tell her to do the dance while he was dancing. At least that's what I saw at one moment. And, dancing is not all about performing....it's about having fun, and learning discipline.

Ever since Desi was a baby, she's loved song and motion. So, we'll continue with the dance because it's good for her. And for me.