I cleaned up the blog.  Nothing like posting my whole life for the world to see, and yet, gosh, I really needed to tell my story.  I now have No Contact with the family of origin, very little contact with the brother-in-law, and feel better every day.  I have new found friends in support who can validate my experiences through their own.    Some people drink, some people take anti depressants, and some people find a way to recover.  And probably those of us who choose to go through the recovery process are the ones people find the most disturbing.   We talk and vent and try to find others who will help us through the journey.  A lot of dirty laundry people might not want to know.  It's uncomfortable.   So, I cleaned up the blog.  And it's time to start focusing on those things that make me happy.

Too Blessed?

I'm learning.....I need to practice restraint in purchasing clothing for the girl. She grows every year, leaving many items un-used, or practically new. Just when I think, I have enough in one size, a nice wardrobe....she grows! Leaving gorgeous little outfits behind.

Thank goodness for garage sales. I am not scrambling to accommodate her wardrobe like I was last Oct.-Nov. She's getting quite chubby, like some kids with Downs Syndrome do. Oh, heck, it's in the genes as well. Mom was a chubby kid, and so was her brother at this age (he is very slim today). She is not allowed very much junk, and we never eat out, but she is a bit of a couch potato at times. I'm only 1/2 guilty, I think :)

Anyways....good bye to the last of the size 6's. We are holding out for a sweater and a dress in that size. Hello to the introduction of size 10-12 shirts. There's some cute ones, so that feels good. And....I get to start shopping all over again!

only 2 more weeks...

til school starts! We are counting down, both the girl and I. So much of my life is spent WRITING, and I can't get my thoughts out with the constant distraction. I participate regularly on recovery blogs, and work on my own recovery at the same time. I process my life when I write, and it's been a long summer with not much processing going on.

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of garden work. Harvesting, and the past week, getting a winter garden in order. Every day I transplant leeks that I started from seed. Who knew every seed would sprout in that package. It's a huge job, that I'm doing a bit at a time. I'm learning. Nothing is on fire, everything will keep, and I can do these things at a pace that my life can handle. Atleast til school starts!

I feel so content in my garden. Now I know why my 93 yr old Grandma H refuses to stop gardening. It provides so much satisfaction, get me in touch with the Earth and God, giving me time to think. Unlike my child who just walked in, and will be demanding my time. I may as well go before she steals the mouse. (one downfall of having a wireless mouse).

Later......

I think I live in a bubble of my own creation. Don't we all? I decide who I want in my daily life, and I'm very conscience of this fact. Our camping trip shed light on this. We made some really nice new friends who were camping next to us. They all smoked, even the 13 year old, but they were nice people.

Saturday on the beach was a different story. Some day picnickers were drinking and having a good time. Desi and I were playing in the sand. These people were a bit worrisome because of throwing rocks, but.....boys like to throw rocks. Then one of the boys, about 12 or so, wanted his tennis shoes out of the car. He made the mistake of asking his drunken mama for the keys. I wanted to say to that child "don't ask anything of a drunk!". Then he made another fatal mistake when he tried to reason with his intoxicated mama. We left the beach as she was slapping his face. Desirae was interested in a horrifying sort of way.

We returned a 1/2 hr later to find the drunken daddies sitting on the beach, throwing rocks. Luckily our new friends were on another part of the beach and provided a nice distraction. The 13 year old girls were diving off the big rock into a deep pool. We played in the shallow parts until the drunks left.

Monday brought another type to the beach. The animal abuser. An old man, hitting his dog on the head with the hard retractor on the leach, then picking the dog up and throwing it. UUUGGH!

A cross section of society that I NEVER expose myself to any longer. I see it coming, and run the other way. I'm very grateful for learning this lesson. Until Alanon, I invited all kinds of scary people into my life. God looked out for me, and gave me warnings, and I heeded them in a contained sort of way. ("I'm never doing that again!", but something a bit similar was okay). Just enough to keep me semi-safe. My psyche was never safe, like it is today. I allowed myself and the family to watch horrible things in movies. Nick was never safe like Desi is today. And sadly, he has to pay for my ignorance. Thankfully Desi will grow up with parents who are in tact, and making better judgments about what we allow in our lives.

Catching up, or slowing down to breathe

I mysteriously hurt my back yesterday, or last night...anyways, I'm in pain and spams today. Pain is always a reminder to me to SLOW DOWN. Since school has let out, I've been on the run it seems. Take the girl to the park, the pool, dance, gardening, cooking, Barry, trips to the river, reading in between times (trying to keep up with current events).....

Last week presented a migraine. I ran at full speed the days following...lesson not learned. I'm a slow learner. Really, does it hurt the girl to stay home a few days a week? Stay home and do nothing but housework, TV, Homework and coloring. She's such an extrovert, I try to get her out every day to do something interesting for a few hours. Me? I could stay home, by myself, house, garden, computer....totally happy. I'm a bit more introverted.

We had Dance Recital the middle part of June. As disappointed as I was last year...as proud as I am this year. The pendulum swings back and forth, opposites. For tumbling. Desirae did 4 awesome, very clean rolls (somersaults), took her bow, and showed off her bridge (backbend). She was then asked to leave the stage, but I know there was more awesome to be seen if she had more time. She planned on doing the splits, and she can go back to front, she is so flexible. Her dancing was good, and I felt she was well taken care of by sweet little Alison. Desirae makes the most DARLING friends. She attracts Angels, where ever we go.

Dave and I explored a bit this spring and found a very nice secluded river beach on a mountain. So, Dave likes to drive up there occasionally. We could camp there, but.....there could be bears. Dave doesn't care....but I kind of do.

The garden is growing great. The tomatoes look awesome. The hot peppers look awesome. The lettuce has been plentiful, and I've frozen a bit of Swiss Chard. We will have Pea-pods in a few days for salads and stir fries. The beans loved the hot dry (but humid) weather, and stopped looking so sick and yellow.

I've been taking Desi to the pool a few days a week, and she is doing great. Not swimming yet, but making progress. We find new playmates ever time we go.

I go garage saling on Fridays. This week the girl was a pill, but it was hot and miserable by 10 AM. I helped a friend clean her house in June for a little extra cash, that was needed in a big way. June was our catch up on our mortgage month (they didn't take enough out for taxes and insurance, etc, through out the year). Just as I'm wringing my hands wondering what am I going to do, God provides. Yep, we live that close to the edge, but atleast Dave has a job, and for that we continue to be grateful.

This week was alot about Barry. I worked on his banking the beginning of the week. Yesterday we had him over for the afternoon. He had an incident so his caffeine privileges were suspended, and we enforce the same rules as his foster home. Not easy, but necessary. We struggle with him at times.

Dave worked a very busy Saturday morning, so last night was his only chance to get away. We took the girl and the dog to the Waterloo park on the Santiam. Had a great time for a few hours. Desirae found her friend "Shuttup John" and he played the guitar for her before we left. We have friends all over the place. Roy impressed everyone with his swimming and rock-diving. We tend to stand out....people don't forget us. And that's cool, except for when someone talks to you like they've known you forever, and you can't place where you met them!

Well, that about does it. I know I have pictures in the phone, but need to check on the girl. No time to load pics right now. Maybe later today.......

A walk around the yard

Come join Roy and I on our morning rounds. We do this every morning, and I do what needs to be done in the garden while he focuses on his business and sniffing all the things that happened during the night. Walking out my back door, this is my Minnesota Alanon Lupine. A fellow alanon gave me the seeds when I lived in Mn. I also have wild flowers sown here.

The beans. I have 5 rows, hoping to freeze (or can) some for the winter.
The hot peppers. Dave made the boxes deeper this year, and hauled in more dirt. He spent a month of weekends working to make the garden better.

Tomatoes with a row of radishes in the middle. The radishes will be gone soon, they are almost ready to harvest.

A baby bean. Babies are so precious, even baby plants.

Onions, leek, and garlic.

The little grassy looking plants are baby leeks. This is a project, to have onions year 'round. So, I'll be sowing new seed in from time to time.

Another project, to have greens year 'round. This is lettuce, chard, cilantro, and spinach. I also sowed more lettuce and collard greens recently.

Bell peppers, brussel sprouts, cukes, and yellow crooknecks. The brussel sprouts had to be squeezed in, they were a gift from friend. If everything grows well, this will be crowded. This is a new longer box Dave made from what ever we had laying around this spring. I love it.

A baby cucumber.

And the neighbor's golden rain tree as seen from our garden.

A Walk around the Yard, continued.

The plum tree

The apple tree

The pear tree

The peach tree

The peach leaf curl---this is a fungus that occurs during wet cold springs. It does not make me happy. Neither has the wet, cold spring.

A volunteer baby pumpkin

Zucchini and pumpkin planted here.

Don't know what this is, but I like it.

And this is the only thing I can grow on this hill. Volunteer trees. My own Christmas tree lot.