only 2 more weeks...

til school starts! We are counting down, both the girl and I. So much of my life is spent WRITING, and I can't get my thoughts out with the constant distraction. I participate regularly on recovery blogs, and work on my own recovery at the same time. I process my life when I write, and it's been a long summer with not much processing going on.

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of garden work. Harvesting, and the past week, getting a winter garden in order. Every day I transplant leeks that I started from seed. Who knew every seed would sprout in that package. It's a huge job, that I'm doing a bit at a time. I'm learning. Nothing is on fire, everything will keep, and I can do these things at a pace that my life can handle. Atleast til school starts!

I feel so content in my garden. Now I know why my 93 yr old Grandma H refuses to stop gardening. It provides so much satisfaction, get me in touch with the Earth and God, giving me time to think. Unlike my child who just walked in, and will be demanding my time. I may as well go before she steals the mouse. (one downfall of having a wireless mouse).

Later......

I think I live in a bubble of my own creation. Don't we all? I decide who I want in my daily life, and I'm very conscience of this fact. Our camping trip shed light on this. We made some really nice new friends who were camping next to us. They all smoked, even the 13 year old, but they were nice people.

Saturday on the beach was a different story. Some day picnickers were drinking and having a good time. Desi and I were playing in the sand. These people were a bit worrisome because of throwing rocks, but.....boys like to throw rocks. Then one of the boys, about 12 or so, wanted his tennis shoes out of the car. He made the mistake of asking his drunken mama for the keys. I wanted to say to that child "don't ask anything of a drunk!". Then he made another fatal mistake when he tried to reason with his intoxicated mama. We left the beach as she was slapping his face. Desirae was interested in a horrifying sort of way.

We returned a 1/2 hr later to find the drunken daddies sitting on the beach, throwing rocks. Luckily our new friends were on another part of the beach and provided a nice distraction. The 13 year old girls were diving off the big rock into a deep pool. We played in the shallow parts until the drunks left.

Monday brought another type to the beach. The animal abuser. An old man, hitting his dog on the head with the hard retractor on the leach, then picking the dog up and throwing it. UUUGGH!

A cross section of society that I NEVER expose myself to any longer. I see it coming, and run the other way. I'm very grateful for learning this lesson. Until Alanon, I invited all kinds of scary people into my life. God looked out for me, and gave me warnings, and I heeded them in a contained sort of way. ("I'm never doing that again!", but something a bit similar was okay). Just enough to keep me semi-safe. My psyche was never safe, like it is today. I allowed myself and the family to watch horrible things in movies. Nick was never safe like Desi is today. And sadly, he has to pay for my ignorance. Thankfully Desi will grow up with parents who are in tact, and making better judgments about what we allow in our lives.