Our Story

October is Downs syndrome awareness month. And this is the year my daughter turns 6 this month. It's hard to believe we've come this far. I remember when I was pregnant, and I went swimming with my friend Tina and our kids. I wondered aloud if I would ever be able to teach this baby to swim. Today, I have no doubts, she will probably swim by herself next summer, if not before. She walks, she talks, she's potty trained, she knows her letters and colors as well as most kindergarteners. She takes dance and tumbling lessons. She is pretty normal.....and yet not. She takes more time to learn these things, and she is stubborn as heck about NOT learning to keep her hands to herself. She really loves to love on others....with her whole heart and hands.

We knew Desirae had DS before she was born. I had an amniocentesis, my doctor insisted because I was 41. We also had very extensive, modern ultrasounds and found out she was a girl before we knew she had DS. My doctor told me the results of the amnio at my ob appt in June of 2003. I was heartbroken. When Dave and Nick came home, they thought I had miscarried, I was that upset. They took the news very well, and propped me back up. Being pregnant turned into work at that point. And I was working full time on my feet all day as well.

I had the best OBGYN that money could buy. She was a gift from God. And she made sure we had the best medical care possible. I worked in a hospital kitchen, and one day she came through for lunch, and told my supervisor to "go get her a chair, there's no reason why my patient has to stand while she cashiers". He did. She also told me that "based on our experience, we cannot determine the happiness of another". Wow....that hit me to the soul. Because....

Growing up, we had a family friend with DS. I've referred to Wade before. He really shaped all my thoughts and opinions on the subject. Other than knowing him, I was ignorant. One day when we were playing, running about as kids do....Wade had to stop and sit down. He was born with heart problems. I sat down with him, and he shared that he did not like being different. As a child, I saw his pain, and felt very sad for him. Why I didn't see his joy is beyond me. Later, when we think about life and what might happen, and our options, talking with girlfriends, etc.....I decided that abortion might be a good option for these kids. They should not have to suffer our society. Did you know the brain is not fully developed until age 25? And then it develops in the directions that we take it. I never gave the subject any more thought than I did in my teenage years.

So, one of the people you first talk to is the "Genetics Counselor". And there's more tests, fetal echo cardiogram, extensive ultrasounds that weigh and measure each organ in the baby, monitoring for growth and any developing defects. When the genetics counselor saw us....for the very first time, she had never met me before, she automatically asked....first question....Abortion? Dave and I hadn't seriously talked about THAT. It was the moment of reckoning. And I burst into tears. Dave put his arm around me, and said to her "that won't be happening". It was very odd....she really did not know what to do with us after that point. We asked questions that she couldn't answer. Finally we asked for recommended reading. She got on her computer and googled books on DS. Later I asked the specialized OB doctor (not my regular OB) how many people abort and he told me that it was my own personal decision and I didn't need to know what other people did. I took that at face value. It wasn't til after Desi was born that I learned the abortion rate is about 9o% or higher.

People assume that I am conservative, pro-lifer when they hear that I knew Desi had DS from an amnio. Well, I'm certainly not pro-abortion! I had a talk with a friend recently, we share the exact same views and she calls herself pro life and I call myself pro choice. It was a good laugh, because it showed us how limiting that "label" is and what WE attach to it. Recently I heard someone refer to herself as moderate pro life. I liked that. Maybe I can be a moderate pro life person. Labels become who we are in some ways. Changing the label feels like putting on a tank top in the middle of winter!

The support of our doctors was phenomenal. Not once did I hear a negative of any sort. In August, the ultrasound showed a 2 lb baby instead of the expected 2.5 lbs, and the doctors took me off work. 3 weeks later the end of my 7th month, baby grew a lot, and that was my last ultrasound. We knew she had hair at that point! She was very active, irritatingly so! I used to complain during work, when I was tallying menus and calculating how much food was needed for the next day....I had to THINK and she wanted to turn somersaults.

The only negative came from a close family member of mine who decided my retarded baby was all about her. I was told "you don't know what it's like having to tell people about this". I guess someone had to feel the shame, but it wasn't me. Dave's family was great. His mom came and stayed with us for 10 days when Desirae was born. I was so grateful because I had a c-section and couldn't drive.

Desirae's apgars were 8 and 9. Good scores. She refused to nurse. Her tongue thrusts made latching on impossible, but she drank from a bottle just fine. I tried to nurse for almost 2 months before giving up, even had a lactation consultant and buying special shields, driving myself crazy. My whole life was try to nurse baby, feed baby, pump, over and over all day and night long. Finally everyone gave me permission to give up, so I did.

Desirae Faith is a perfectly healthy child. She's had 3 or 4 ear infections in her entire life. One thyroid test was abnormal. so we tested thyroid yearly until she was 5. She can't hear in very low frequencies and she has astigmatism, needing glasses. Pretty normal stuff. She just let her teeth be cleaned for the very first time yesterday. She has 2 cavities our pediatric dentist is keeping an eye on. She was toilet trained by age 5, with occasional back sliding and accidents. We joked that our puppy caught on to training faster than she did. We have a sense of humor about this, and we say things occasionally that the rest of the world might not think are funny. You know....I remember asking my son if he were stupid when he did a stupid thing. Well, Desirae does many stupid things, but that word is just not PC where she is concerned. Says who??? So, her parents aren't always PC and sometimes we just laugh when we "shouldn't".

We may not be PC, but God considered us to be good enough parents for her. It's a good thing I was already on the road to being the person that God would have me be...Desirae adds to the journey. The life lessons she presents are never ending. How else would I know what strengths and patience lie in reserve if I never needed to use them?