Those who knew me when I was younger, might recall the horrible temper I had, and the tantrums to go with it. That lasted until my 30's, when I found my home in Alanon, and I found the God of my understanding, and I recieved a measure of God's Grace. Today, I only struggle with my temper when I fail to take care of myself and do too much to the point of exhaustion. God blessed me with sweet tempered children, and also with the knowledge to parent in such a way that my children never needed to resort to tantrums. Nick tried a tantrum once. It was very sad. He broke his jungle book picture, among other things. He was 4 or 5. It never happened again. He just "acted out" when he couldn't control his surroundings. When I was planning the move to Minn, he started a port-a-potty on fire. On school grounds. He was expelled from school. I still don't know how to view that move....whether it was right or wrong. I don't think things are so black and white.
I was very disappointed the night of Desi's dance recital. It was the WORST Desirae had performed, and it was "the most important". Today, I was informed that people "can't stop talking about her". She was the "show stopper". I guess every year there is one child who steals the limelight. This year it was my daughter. Last year it was her friend Peter. So atleast we have good company!
Desirae is a good teacher for me....I'm learning to roll with punches a bit more. I'm also learning my limits. There is no doubt that special needs kids are taxing on their parents. She can do the same naughty thing over and over....20 times in one day....and still not get that I don't like it! After a day like that, I don't do much except CHILL and engage in a series of time outs. One night recently, I did resort to yelling. It was the 3 rd time in a week that she found the sunscreen, and used it on her backpack, the table, and carpet in her room. The third time was over my limit. A dear friend told me that it was not wrong to yell at her....that perhaps it made an impact. That would be nice. It's not my past experience. Experience says that I need to be more aware of the location of the sunscreen.
I know that I don't have it bad in comparison to other moms with children who have special needs. And yet....that comparing minimizes my experience. I am very good at burying my emotions by using comparison.
So....I was disappointed. It doesn't happen often, and it's not right or wrong. It just was. Today,my daughter was her adorable self, and we are switching to Tumbling instead of Dance for the summer. A new experience!
We all have those times when we come uncorked. It s frustrating when you do the very thing you are teaching your child not to do. I am so grateful that Gods grace is bigger than the offense and covers us and our babies. Some Grma B advice would be "when you do wrong say your sorry and pick up and move on". You are doing a job that few of us can relate with. Here's a bit of unsolicited advice--On thing that we did at school is to role play over and over again. When a parent would call and say can you work on this or that we made it a part of our day--some times for weeks on end. Get Mr. H in on the plan also, it could be a fun family bonding time. Your doing a great job. The lord can help and teach in those moments when the stretch is over bearing.
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