That would be me today. I have a cold...it's getting better so I didn't take benadryl before I went to bed last night (because I'm out, and forgot to get more yesterday). Mistake---I was up all night coughing, disturbing the whole house. Even the dog complained at me. Desirae wet the bed, so had to get up again for that after I settled down a bit. She has an accident once a month or so. I can't fault her. My whole world was painted black before I got up. I begged my hubby for a few hugs and got some more when I woke up the girl.
Being tired makes me hungry. Being tired makes me resentful. Then I start to feel like nobody likes me, and I get lonely. Poor me, on the pity pot. I don't indulge pity often, and I work my way out of it pretty darn fast compared to my previous life (before Alanon). But DANG, that's a black hole! It appears just often enough to remind me not to venture near on a regular basis. I guess we all need reminders.
My thinking becomes distorted. Like...here's an example. My cousin on FB posts these quotes about having a good work ethic. In my resentful, pity me mode, I believe these quotes are directed directly AT ME. And then, it's the fault of my FOO (family of origin) for telling the extended family what a stupid and lazy person I am. And then....OMG! Everybody hates me. And then I go over all my faults with a magnifying glass, and there are many.
Just the facts, please!
The fact is I'm TIRED. I will replace the benadryl for tonight, and not be tired (hopefully) tomorrow. I will plan for a nap or a rest this after noon. And I will replace the negative thoughts with gratitude.
She submitted. Then she snapped.
11 years ago
Just for the record you ARE a very intelligent woman, beautiful and kind. We all have our days(there has to be a good Grma Brown quote some where...Tami help me out!). You need the sand in your shoes sermon, I'll try to google it and post it for you. Now about those fb quotes, your cousins know and they know you.I believe they are as an encouragement to others, a reminder to self(I do reminders like that) to strive for what is noble, and we all have others in our life who wouldn't read a noble word any other way...they just don't write them on bathroom walls in the bars;) When I struggle my prayer is "Lord please don't let me give into the _______" (despair is my word) giving in is giving up, giving over...Gods best for me in my life. Take Care and know know know you are loved. period.
ReplyDeletep.s. my verify word is debudiva do you think I'm about to debut as a diva...ha that would be a laugh wouldn't it!
A quote of Grma B's....She said "I'm going crazy", and I thought she said Frazee(a town in MN) and asked if I could go, too. I think I went along for that ride, and am still on it occasionally.
ReplyDeleteMy wise mind knows that he puts those quotes out there for the very same reason I do the same. We need to find good words to live by, and I was pleasantly surprised to see those quotes posted by my little cousin.
Sand in my shoes?...is that like wading through mud or swimming upstream?
Thank you for loving me when I didn't feel love, ((((Jody))))
I know, I was very pleasantly surprised to see his posts.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you were feeling punky. More than that I'm sad that you struggle so with feelings of inadequency. FYI, I always thought you were smart. ;)
Jody, the Grandma quotes stuck in my mind aren't so inspiring, just funny. Like this one, "a crow shit me out on a fence post, and the sun hatched me out." I know not the greatest, but so Grandma and so funny.
I hope the cold has passed, and you are getting sleep. I know I do not feel at the top of my game without sleep. In fact I'm down right grumpy, just ask my family.